Thoughts of making a wedding speech terrorises many people, but professional speech writer Cormac Lally’s tips will have guests hanging on your every word.
Wedding speeches are a tradition as old as weddings themselves and are an opportunity beyond the solemn vows to say something of real substance.
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That’s according to Skibbereen-based professional speech writer Cormac Lally, who says that to understand what a wedding speech is, we have to first truly understand what a wedding is.
‘It is a moment of loves highest expression between two people, exchanging solemn vows of commitment, surrounded by their families and friends, a lifetime deal to hold each other in the highest regard. It is a celebration, a chance for two families to rejoice, to get to know each other better, and to leave the next day danced out, smiling, and looking forward to the next one,’ says Cormac.
So the stakes are … high! But it’s as easy to do a great job, as it is to do a terrible one if you keep a few things in mind.
PARENTS
For the fathers or mothers speaking, it is their declaration of their sons or daughters’ characters, what they mean to their families, their memories of them as a child and watching them transition from infant to adult, now taking the next big step.
‘The fathers’ speech is also a way to pay tribute to the bride or groom’s own family, it is reinforcing their foundation to their child, that they will always be there for them, and a support for years to come,’ he said.
Cormac’s advice to dads is to ‘give your child a proper send off.’
‘Let them know how you feel about them, this doesn’t always come easy to us men when emotions are concerned, but there is plenty of help out there to get you through it. A few hours of hard work in the weeks beforehand is better than a lifetime of regret afterwards. Get cracking well in advance,’ he says.
GROOM
For the groom it is his chance to give a little about himself, as he is speaking to half the room who do not know him.
‘He must also pay tribute to his own family, especially his parents, his brothers and sisters, his best men and groomsmen, to his bride's family and most importantly, to his bride,’ says Cormac.
‘When composing your piece on your betrothed, mention the first time you met, how it came about, your first date, how you felt in the moment, when was your first kiss, when did you get serious, talk about things that are true to you both, things only she knows, stupid fights that you’ve had, maybe there’s GAA or rugby rivalry that had to be overcome. Mention the milestones you’ve achieved, meeting her parents for the first time, pay tribute to her personality. A good exercise here is to make a list of five things you love about her, five things she does that drives you mad, and then five things that you do that her mad, it’s amazing the gravy that will flow from this one simple hack.’
BRIDES
Cormac’s primary advice to brides is to speak up! ‘This day is a long while in the works, follow the same rules for the groom, pay the respects owed to your family, his family, your friends and bridesmaids. You have been up the walls with organising, but a little practice goes a long way,’ he said. Cormac who offers a poetry speech service says this tend to be popular for brides: ‘No one sees it coming and no one is expecting them to speak. Wait until the best man is done, ask for the mic and blow the place down in style!’
BEST MAN
‘For the best man, for the love of God in heaven, remember who you are. You are this man’s representative, you are his ambassador, you sit at his right hand at the meal, and stand at his right side at the altar. Your role is to defend him, to advocate for him and to pay homage to his character. Your duty is not only to him on the day, but going forward in life,’ says Cormac.
This speech is an affirmation of what has been said already by the father, except that this is more intimate.
‘Start your preparation by recalling the exact moment you first met, at school usually, childhood shenanigans are gold for a best man speech, talk to his older brothers and sisters too. The tale of an eight-year-old groom haring around the estate with no pants on is cute and hilarious, the same story aged 20, well you’re into criminal acts and statutes of limitations.
Be honest about the groom, make note of his achievements, not just his hiccups. Speak about his prowess on the field of sport, or comedically, his lack thereof. Pull on stories from his childhood, teens, college, the J1, good turns he did for others, how he met his Mrs, pay her the tribute she deserves, do honour to her bridesmaids and slag the groomsmen. When your draft is complete, give your mother a rolling pin and read it to her, if you have no concussions afterwards, you’ll be fine!’
GENERAL TIPS
Start well in advance of the wedding, the sooner you tackle it, the better you’ll be on the day.
If you need help, get it. Every aspect of the wedding is professionally catered to, the speeches are the same. Talk to lads who know.
Aim for 5-10 minutes in duration, smart phones have ruined the attention span of a generation.
Be genuine, if there’s humour there, don't force it, avoid swearing of any kind, there’s no need for it. You are not a professional comedian, don't act as such.
Practice, practice, practice. If you have a real fear of public speaking, the speech should be nearly a part of your soul by the time the wedding comes around.
The most important thing to remember, public speaking itself is not the worst part, it’s waiting your turn to speak that is worse than the actual speech itself. It’s like being in the dressing room before a county final, the same fear and anxiety is there, but once on the pitch you have a job to do.
Look at the speech the same way, you don’t win a football final by training the day before, it starts in January flipping tractor tyres covered in frost, and training when your mates are in the pub. Be focused, you’ve got this.
Last but not least, everyone there is rooting for you, everyone wants you to succeed, they want you to crush it. However, everyone is also expecting you to be terrible, pure and utter drivel, it’s just what life has taught us about speeches. The guests are expecting a train wreck, but hoping for glory, give them something half decent, and they won't be disappointed.
Cormac Lally is a professional speech writer since 2013, a poetry Ireland Poet Laureate, and one of the country’s top spoken word artists.
See bespokeweddingspeeches.com
Cormac Lally
